I am leaving for Barcelona on Wednesday. I am extremely excited for my First Real Vacation this year, as well as my return, upon which I will watch television for three straight days. It will be glorious. And maybe it will help me make some TV cuts, because good god, it's getting out of control.
But I digress.
Barcelona. It seems that I know a lot of people who have gone there, and they all love it, universally. I've really not had any time to even think about what I want to do while there, and I've only skimmed a friend's guidebook. I can give you a list of things that WON'T happen on my trip.
1. While at the airport, I will not make chitchat with the other passengers buying water at the newsstand about how glad we are that we can now buy and carry-on said water. Not because I'm not glad, I just hate chitchat.
2. I will not start a fight with the security people about whether or not my shampoo is in a 3 ounce or smaller bottle. Though I'll want to.
3. I will not wear a fanny pack.
4. I will not, once in Barcelona, talk like Peggy Hill does when she is substitute teaching Spanish class. I will also not remember much of my five years of junior high and high school Spanish.
5. I will, however, try to remember that "embarazada" does not mean "embarrassed." It means "pregnant." That is important.
6. I will not go stupid at the metro station, and will remember that I can probably figure out how to use the ticket-making machine. Unlike certain people in a certain city in which I live, none of whom can manage to do the same even in their native language.
7. I will not set foot on a tour bus.
8. I will not enter a McDonald's. Unless it is to use the bathroom. I cannot make the same promise if I find a Dunkin' Donuts. I really enjoyed the Dunkin' Donuts in Prague. You have to pay for each sugar!
9. I will eat so many tapas. In Barcelona, you save the toothpicks from each piece of tapas, and then they count them at the end of your meal and charge you accordingly.
10. I will not hide my toothpicks.
11. If I say something in English and someone doesn't understand me, I will not just repeat that same statement more loudly. I will also not add crazy hand gestures.
12. Ok, maybe I will do that.
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